The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy.
— Florence Scovel Shinn
In this post I would like to turn your attention to what I like to call “self-kindness.”
I know from working with severely mentally ill people that self-kindness is the last thing on their mind. And yet when I show them how to be kind to themselves there are always amazed at how fast their perspective on life changes.
The truth is you, just like other people, need to be kind to yourself. The problem is that our society places a lot of value on being kind to other people but very little value on being kind to ourselves.
All serious daring starts from within — Joan Baez.
During my 28 years of helping people just like you, I’ve found there are four areas of help almost everyone needs but probably don’t know it.
1. There are things you need to keep.
2. There are things you need to get rid of.
3. There are things you need to change.
4. There are things you need to do to find meaning in your life.
Before I tell you more about these four things, I feel I must tell you a simple truth.
Changing your behaviour is the most difficult thing you can do. The older you are, the harder it is to change.
Just between you and me, most people don’t want to change.
They are happy being unaware they are unhappy.
The most common phrase you’ll hear is, “There’s nothing wrong with me, it’s him (or her) that needs to change.”
Have you ever felt the need to blame your mum or your dad for something?
The bridges that you cross before you come to them are over rivers that aren’t there. — Gene Brown
Have you ever spent more than a minute worrying about something? Does your worrying consume you?
If it does, then you don’t know how to worry. Not to worry, in this blog I’ll show you how.
I’m going to show you how to wriggle free from the stranglehold of your ugly thoughts. And how to be aware of what’s going on as you think about the past, think about the future, or think about yourself.
“It is nothing for one to know something unless another knows you know it.” — Persian Proverb
When your mind is not engaged in anything it will wander. This is what it’s designed to do. When your brain is not engaged in any task, you might think that is resting.
But researchers have discovered that this is not true. When your brain thinks it has some “down time” it goes into a mode of mind wandering.
This is what happens when your mind wanders.
No man was ever wise by chance. — Lucius Annaeus Seneca
One rainy day, a man drives out of town to visit and old friend. As he’s driving down a country lane he sees a hitchhiker thumbing a lift.
The driver doesn’t usually pick up strangers, but for some reason he changed his mind.
Once inside the car the hitch hiker pulls a gun. He robs the driver and puts him in the boot of the car. Leaving him locked in with no way to escape.
Two weeks later at his funeral his oldest son made an unusual request to his mother and brother.
“I know this sounds weird, but could you lock me in the boot of Dad’s car?”
They both looked at him like he had grown another head.
“What?” they both said simultaneously.
“I loved my dad as I know you both loved him and I wanted to feel what it was like in the last moments of his life.”
Reluctantly they agreed.
When they got back home the eldest son jumped into the boot then his brother shut the lid.
The first thing that he experienced in the boot was the darkness. Then the thought that he could hardly move. He twisted his body around and could see a small ray of light above and to the right of him.
He frantically felt around for something, anything that could prise open the lid. He found a torch. Then using that small light, he found a screwdriver.
Within seconds he was jamming the screwdriver into the lid.
Next, he stuck his middle finger trough the small hole. The edges of the metal cutting through his finger.
Now he was desperate.
He contorted his hand one way then another way.
He heard a voice.
“Move your finger an inch more to the right.” Yelled his brother.
With that he used all his strength grasped for the button and released the lid and was free.
Most of the people I meet try to go it alone. You may be one of those.
Always struggling, always fighting, and always getting stuck in dramas you could do without.
The truth is – at one time or another – we all need help.
Sometimes we don’t want to admit it because it makes us feel needy or weak.
But why wait until your desperate to ask for help?
The guy who picked up the hitchhiker would still be alive if he had someone on the outside motivating him to keep going just a little further.
How your mind really works.
You think thoughts in the “theatre of your mind” all day long. Yet, you never watch those thoughts, so they go by unnoticed by your conscious mind.
Left alone without outside help your mind is “allowed” to think anything it wants. So it does.
Most of the time most people think ugly thoughts.
Those ugly thoughts are making you anxious, worried, and stressed. But I’m willing to bet you that you are blaming your anxiety, worry and stress on someone or something else.
I know, because that’s what I used to do.
Don’t get me wrong when I say I wasn’t always a strong, powerful woman able to get patients with severe mental problems out of hospital and back home functioning normally again.
In fact, I used to be what I call a wreck.
I don’t know if you’ve heard of the using Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. I’ll give you an example or two of how it works. It “measures” how stressed you are. If your score is 150 it means you have a 50% chance of being ill.
However, my score came back as 300, which meant I had a 90% chance of having an emotional meltdown.
And I may even end up in a mental hospital.
My nightmare roller coaster ride began when I discovered my husband of 17 years was having an affair.
Soon after getting divorced I found out my ex-husband screwed me over for £20,000. My trusted business partner done me out of another £15,000.
And on top of all that my wonderful Dad got cancer and died a year later. He just turned 66.
The following week my beautiful cat also died of cancer.
There I was alone, broke, desperately sad and didn’t know what to do with all these ugly thoughts running through my head.
I needed to know how bad it was and how it was all affecting my health.
The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale was my wake-up call.
I knew at 300 I was in over my head. I was stuck, overwhelmed and had no idea what to do next.
I believe everything happens for a reason. And it’s no accident that you’re reading this.
If you are having ugly thoughts and want to make them beautiful again, then we were meant to connect.
I’m not going to pretend it was easy for me because it wasn’t.
It’s been a long, hard road back to being confident, strong and empowered.
And yes, I had help along the way. Lots of help.
Without the help of my close friends and mentors I doubt I would have made it this far. I’m still a work in progress, but the point is, I’m making progress every day.
I still have help. I know I couldn’t do without the suggestions and advice from the people closest to me.
They are the reason I’m able to be an inspiration to the mental patients I work with every week.
I’m not saying I’m a one woman show. I’m part of a team of professionals who have dedicated their lives to improving the lives of men and woman who let their ugly thoughts get out of hand where they can’t cope with life anymore.
But the one powerful element I bring to these patients having someone on the outside looking out for them. To tell them when to try just a little bit longer and not give up when it all seems lost.
That there is a way to get back to having beautiful thoughts and seeing a new and different view of life, enjoying yourself, having fun and finding meaning
Because I’ve been doing this for 28 years I’ve honed my skills where I can make the biggest difference in the smallest time. I know first-hand what it’s like to feel unworthy, unwanted and unfulfilled.
You’re not alone anymore. I can help.
And I’m going to help you at my expense not yours.
I’m going to give you my quick fix to end your anxiety and negative thinking.
it will take you five minutes to read and then you’ll feel freedom from your anxiety.
I know what it’s like to feel agitated and frazzled. You can’t think straight and you have no hope.
That’s why you’ll love my quick start guide called, “Calm Body – Clear Mind.”